The Official H-Body Internet Community

ok, heres the disclaimer--these are just jOKES, try not to get too worked up over them. ive been a doorman in various bars and nightclubs for 24 years now, i hear new horrible jokes basically every night at work. besides,i got a sick sense of humor, what can i say. will you just let me be me ! anyway, here we go...

#1---whats the difference between a f@g and a microwave ? your meat doesnt brown if you stick it in the microwave...
#2--whats the difference between erotic and kinky ? erotic is when you use a feather. kinky involves the entire chicken...
#3--why is a womans a$$h*le just like a 9V battery ? you know its wrong,and you know you shouldnt-but eventually youre still going to touch it with your tongue...

anyone want more? these are actually pretty mild by my standards if you can believe that, ( ) i got some really offensive ones rattling around in my brain but i think i would get banned and/or lynched if i put them up here- it may be better for me to send them PM if anyone wants them...

Dude!!!,
Those are FUNNY!!!! Just keep bringing them... most of us are on this site are not very PC... just look at the types of cars we are interested in... I don't think you can offend us too much....


John

Speak for your self John, those are trash.

Dick

I wish I hadn't clicked on this link but everyday I drop in and read "new posts". Curiousity got the better of me (as is the nature of curiousity) and now I regret it.

That having been said, you DID give fair warning in your post subject line and it was in the "off-topic" group so I suppose if the moderators and admins don't think you broke any rules then so be it!

cheers.


""I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"
- Evelyn Beatrice Hall 1868

Come on guys really?
Tell me you never did the 9 volt battery gig...

LoL, ya of course I did, We probably all did, but its the other things he mentioned that gave me baaaaad mental imaging ya know?

ok,then I guess this one will be ok......what is the most asked question in a gay bar? "Push your stool in?"

ok, standard disclaimer--these are JOKES. dont take em too seriously. i mean, if they offend you then i apologize in advance.and for those that it DOES offend, all i can tell you is that the difference between a joke and 3 c0cks is that apparently, you cant take a joke......

whats the difference between batman and a black man ? batman can go into a 7-11 without robin....

whats the difference between a f@g and a refridgerator ? the refridgerator dont fart when you pull the meat out....

how do you make a woman scream twice during sex ? cram it up her butt, then wipe it off on a curtain....

Heay thefatguy...re your last joke...then wipe it on her hair....or as you get up tell her "your sister is tighter"

Here goes a semi clean one for the easily offended.


George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"

Wife says to her husband:

Look at that Drunk Guy.

Husband Replies: Who is he?

Wife Answers 10 years back he proposed &I rejected him

Husband Exclaims: OH MY GOD He's still CELEBRATING...

Harry

A bit raunchy^ but fair warning was given.

What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?.........................................I cry when i cut up an onion.



I like my coffee like i like my women...................................................................ground up and in the freezer.

Lady voice in the dark,"If you were a gentleman you wouldn't make me do this" Mans voice, "If you were a lady you wouldn't talk with your mouth full"

Other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, "I have some really great news!"
I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."
She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's more."
I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said....
"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!"