newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Anything goes EXCEPT porn and spam. Keep out if you're easily offended.

Moderator: Moderators

newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby thefatguy » Thu Sep 19, 2013 5:25 am

ok, heres the disclaimer--these are just jOKES, try not to get too worked up over them. ive been a doorman in various bars and nightclubs for 24 years now, i hear new horrible jokes basically every night at work. besides,i got a sick sense of humor, what can i say. will you just let me be me ! anyway, here we go...

#1---whats the difference between a f@g and a microwave ? your meat doesnt brown if you stick it in the microwave...
#2--whats the difference between erotic and kinky ? erotic is when you use a feather. kinky involves the entire chicken...
#3--why is a womans a$$h*le just like a 9V battery ? you know its wrong,and you know you shouldnt-but eventually youre still going to touch it with your tongue...

anyone want more? these are actually pretty mild by my standards if you can believe that, ( :dance: ) i got some really offensive ones rattling around in my brain but i think i would get banned and/or lynched if i put them up here- it may be better for me to send them PM if anyone wants them...
thefatguy
 
Posts: 121
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:15 pm

1975 Pontiac Astre


Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby Lord_Varon » Thu Sep 19, 2013 6:52 pm

Dude!!!,
Those are FUNNY!!!! :th: :lol: Just keep bringing them... most of us are on this site are not very PC... just look at the types of cars we are interested in... I don't think you can offend us too much....


John
John H.
aka
Lord Varon

Currently in the hunt for a new project/driver H-body.
User avatar
Lord_Varon
 
Posts: 119
Joined: Tue Jun 27, 2006 5:19 pm
Location: Where ever Uncle Sam sends me

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby hammerdown7 » Thu Sep 19, 2013 10:24 pm

Speak for your self John, those are trash.

Dick
User avatar
hammerdown7
 
Posts: 3326
Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2006 7:53 pm
Location: Clawson, MI

1976 Chevrolet Vega Cosworth

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby SeniorSavage » Fri Sep 20, 2013 2:54 am

I wish I hadn't clicked on this link but everyday I drop in and read "new posts". Curiousity got the better of me (as is the nature of curiousity) and now I regret it.

That having been said, you DID give fair warning in your post subject line and it was in the "off-topic" group so I suppose if the moderators and admins don't think you broke any rules then so be it!

cheers.


""I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"
- Evelyn Beatrice Hall 1868
The fleet;
1975 Buick Skyhawk 3.8 V6 turbo - total restore ongoing (soon!)
1980 Buick Riviera 5.7 Olds 350 Rocket - restored.
1984 GMC G30 5.7 350 Chevy sbc 20' Okanagan motorhome - restored.
1992 Ford F-150 Custom 4.9 300 I6 8' cap and box - working original.
2004 Harley-Davidson Heritage Classic 88ci 1450cc. - custom original.
2007 Ford Escape XLT 3.0 V6 AWD (wifes truck) - working original.
User avatar
SeniorSavage
 
Posts: 349
Joined: Mon May 07, 2012 2:00 am
Location: Vancouver Island BC Canada

1975 Buick Skyhawk

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby T-FATTY » Fri Sep 20, 2013 6:25 am

Come on guys really?
Tell me you never did the 9 volt battery gig... :bump:
YES I accept paypal donations...
T-FATTY
 
Posts: 673
Joined: Sun Sep 30, 2007 10:46 pm
Location: Somerset, Mass.

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby SeniorSavage » Fri Sep 20, 2013 10:56 am

LoL, ya of course I did, We probably all did, but its the other things he mentioned that gave me baaaaad mental imaging ya know?

:sick:
The fleet;
1975 Buick Skyhawk 3.8 V6 turbo - total restore ongoing (soon!)
1980 Buick Riviera 5.7 Olds 350 Rocket - restored.
1984 GMC G30 5.7 350 Chevy sbc 20' Okanagan motorhome - restored.
1992 Ford F-150 Custom 4.9 300 I6 8' cap and box - working original.
2004 Harley-Davidson Heritage Classic 88ci 1450cc. - custom original.
2007 Ford Escape XLT 3.0 V6 AWD (wifes truck) - working original.
User avatar
SeniorSavage
 
Posts: 349
Joined: Mon May 07, 2012 2:00 am
Location: Vancouver Island BC Canada

1975 Buick Skyhawk

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby monzabug350 » Mon Sep 23, 2013 7:02 pm

ok,then I guess this one will be ok......what is the most asked question in a gay bar? "Push your stool in?"
monzabug350
 
Posts: 540
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 2:46 pm

1979 Chevrolet Monza

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby thefatguy » Wed Sep 25, 2013 1:48 am

ok, standard disclaimer--these are JOKES. dont take em too seriously. i mean, if they offend you then i apologize in advance.and for those that it DOES offend, all i can tell you is that the difference between a joke and 3 c0cks is that apparently, you cant take a joke......

whats the difference between batman and a black man ? batman can go into a 7-11 without robin....

whats the difference between a f@g and a refridgerator ? the refridgerator dont fart when you pull the meat out....

how do you make a woman scream twice during sex ? cram it up her butt, then wipe it off on a curtain....
thefatguy
 
Posts: 121
Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:15 pm

1975 Pontiac Astre

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby monzabug350 » Sat Nov 30, 2013 12:17 pm

Heay thefatguy...re your last joke...then wipe it on her hair....or as you get up tell her "your sister is tighter"
monzabug350
 
Posts: 540
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 2:46 pm

1979 Chevrolet Monza

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby RamIt » Sat Nov 30, 2013 3:01 pm

Here goes a semi clean one for the easily offended. :)


George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"
_________________________
75 V8 Hatch. Was a cosworth
RamIt
 
Posts: 144
Joined: Sun Apr 21, 2013 3:47 am
Location: Oakland CA

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby Monza Harry » Sun Feb 28, 2016 11:36 pm

Wife says to her husband:
    Look at that Drunk Guy.
    Husband Replies: Who is he?
    Wife Answers 10 years back he proposed &I rejected him
    Husband Exclaims: OH MY GOD He's still CELEBRATING...
Harry
I'm not a hoarder I'm a preservationist 78 Monza Spyder (Soon To Be 2+2 with Spoilers)
User avatar
Monza Harry
 
Posts: 2033
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2011 8:50 am
Location: Windsor ON Canada

1978 Chevrolet Monza 2+2

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby zeke » Mon Feb 29, 2016 9:36 am

A bit raunchy^ but fair warning was given.
Attachments
12348160_10153458051435756_5293290448317888606_n (1).jpg
12348160_10153458051435756_5293290448317888606_n (1).jpg (36.02 KiB) Viewed 309 times
User avatar
zeke
 
Posts: 2216
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2006 3:27 am
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada

1979 Chevrolet Monza 2+2

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby EVL VEGA » Mon Feb 29, 2016 11:28 am

What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?.........................................I cry when i cut up an onion.



I like my coffee like i like my women...................................................................ground up and in the freezer. :mrgreen:
EVL VEGA
'73 Vega Hatchback (former Super Gas car)
406 SBC, AFR 210 Eliminator Heads, 9:1 comp, pump gas, 328RWHP/412RWTQ (old heads, no N2O 1/17/04), 6.86 @ 100.8 in 1/8th (No N20 9/4/16), Mike's Trans TH400 (reverse manual), 5000 stall, 12 bolt, 35 spline strange axles, 4.33 gears, spool, hipster transbrake, linelock, backhalved, Alston 3 link, 100 shot NX Hitman+ kit, LC1 Wideband sensor, 31x18.5 MT Sportsman Pros, "Plum Ugly"™ Purple paint.
"Pound to fit..paint to match"
Image
User avatar
EVL VEGA
 
Posts: 209
Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2015 6:31 pm
Location: San Diego, CA

1973 Chevrolet Vega

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby monzabug350 » Mon Mar 21, 2016 4:15 pm

Lady voice in the dark,"If you were a gentleman you wouldn't make me do this" Mans voice, "If you were a lady you wouldn't talk with your mouth full"
monzabug350
 
Posts: 540
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 2:46 pm

1979 Chevrolet Monza

Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby zeke » Wed Mar 23, 2016 5:35 pm

Other day my neighbour, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, "I have some really great news!"
I said, "Great. Tell me why you're so happy."
She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier for you!" Then she said, "There's more."
I asked, "What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said....
"Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!"
User avatar
zeke
 
Posts: 2216
Joined: Fri Jul 21, 2006 3:27 am
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada

1979 Chevrolet Monza 2+2

Next

Return to Off-Topic

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 1 guest