newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

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Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby Sunula66 » Sat Mar 26, 2016 9:52 am

Harry's and Zeke's two were really funny to me, love the blonde one :th:
Her sister, also blonde, came home to her roommate after clubbin' and the roommate, blonde as well says, "why so glum chum?
She explains, that her car has more dents in it than last pub night and she's really frustrated....
Blonde no.2 says, well she worked as a receptionist at a body shop at shoppy's drug mart, maybe we should go down to the parking lot, I'll see if we can fix it....
the 2 blondes go to the dented Aveo, (sorry Marc, it's got a tiny tailpipe) and the roommate gets on her hands and knees and starts blowing like crazy on the tailpipe, and after a minute, gets up and has this soot ring 'round her mouth...blonde car owner starts laughing histarically at her and says you really look funny and why did you do that??! she says, it might have helped to get the wrinkles out,(a hidden joke from the store I'm sure) so the Aveo owner says, not only did you just make yourself look funny but, you are so blonde, that you didn't even wait till I put the windows up first!!! DUH!

.....Later that week in "Blonde ville"....Soot mouth blonde comes home from a pub and says, "I just slept with a Brazillion"....."YOU SLUT!!!!!" yells blonde Aveo owner,,,"How many is that actually!!?"... :lol: :shock:
"remember... not everything is good on TOAST!"
3 Birds of a Feather...
#1 the Silver '80 W-66 code Formula purchased 9 years ago
#2 red "80 W-66 code Formula purchased Mar./16
#3 black '78-9 coupe with spoiler kit and 4spd 305...parted out to a Terrific H-Buddy
2015 Cruze Turbo Diesel/ Just replaced by the 2016 Sonic
'98 GMC 1/2 ton with corporate 3/4 ton driveline still makin' it all possible
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Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby BlackShadow » Sun Mar 27, 2016 9:13 pm

Long-time married man comes home from a long day at work and sits on his chair. Just then his wife bursts out of the bedroom door naked and yells "Super Pussy". He looks at her and says.... "I'll have the soup"
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Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby monzabug350 » Mon Mar 28, 2016 1:16 pm

Ah yeah, blonde jokes never get old!! How about this one: Blonde driving in the country and sees another blonde in the middle of a field in a rowboat rowing. She stops and yells "Heay knock that shit off,your kind give blondes a bad name..an,an if I could swim Id come over there and kick your ass!!"
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Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby Sunula66 » Wed Mar 30, 2016 9:35 am

This Blonde GUY gets woken up at 3 in the morning..the woman in bed next to him is freaking out! Hurry HURRY! He's HOME! Quick, get your clothes!!
He jumps out of bed and scrambles for his stuff...with one pant leg on He's stumbling around in the dark with clothes under his arm and out the back door he is hopping on one foot dropping shoes the whole bit...when he gets down the sidewalk part way under the street lights....he stops! :shock: :? (smilies are great eh?)..he realizes,
Wait a Damn minute, THAT Was MY House!!!! :!: :lol:
"remember... not everything is good on TOAST!"
3 Birds of a Feather...
#1 the Silver '80 W-66 code Formula purchased 9 years ago
#2 red "80 W-66 code Formula purchased Mar./16
#3 black '78-9 coupe with spoiler kit and 4spd 305...parted out to a Terrific H-Buddy
2015 Cruze Turbo Diesel/ Just replaced by the 2016 Sonic
'98 GMC 1/2 ton with corporate 3/4 ton driveline still makin' it all possible
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Marriage Counselor

Postby Monza Harry » Wed Mar 30, 2016 10:49 am

From the wife's Facebook Thought you married guys and maybe women may get a kick out of this!
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

You could change Fish to; Work on car, Race, Hunt, Shoot, or Take a Nap, etc. Harry
I'm not a hoarder I'm a preservationist 78 Monza Spyder (Soon To Be 2+2 with Spoilers)
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Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby EVL VEGA » Wed Mar 30, 2016 2:12 pm

My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex....




...I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
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Tool Sale You will NOT want to Miss!

Postby Monza Harry » Thu Mar 31, 2016 12:16 am

How about these beauties and at these prices! Harry http://www.meyette.us/hf_tool_sale.pdf
I'm not a hoarder I'm a preservationist 78 Monza Spyder (Soon To Be 2+2 with Spoilers)
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Re: Tool Sale You will NOT want to Miss!

Postby EVL VEGA » Thu Mar 31, 2016 12:15 pm

Monza Harry wrote:How about these beauties and at these prices! Harry http://www.meyette.us/hf_tool_sale.pdf


Now THAT is funny. I was literally laughing out loud like a maniac..luckily i'm all alone in my office trailer. :lol:

Kind of reminds me of this website but it's much more deadpan.
http://kalecoauto.com/
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Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby zeke » Thu Mar 31, 2016 12:40 pm

Good one Harry, now I want a 18 volt cordless hammer. lmao
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Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby Monza Harry » Thu Mar 31, 2016 4:22 pm

zeke wrote:Good one Harry, now I want a 18 volt cordless hammer. lmao

I found that on another site I "lurk" at but just to show how crazy life is! Canadian Tire used to sell a cordless battery powered hammer, now discontinued, :cry: and I WANT one perfect for this never ending house repair!
mastercraft_impact_nailer.jpg
"Electric Hammer"
mastercraft_impact_nailer.jpg (15.95 KiB) Viewed 195 times
Google images shows Craftsman used to make the same thing. And when I read that flier I just couldn't resist, between the ludicrous tools and the names like "Hazard Freight" I thought this was TOO FUNNY to not share here. Harry
I'm not a hoarder I'm a preservationist 78 Monza Spyder (Soon To Be 2+2 with Spoilers)
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Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby Sunula66 » Fri Apr 01, 2016 10:00 am

Harry!! :th: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I would order that "manual chainsaw" and that guy wearing the "moron Light" lives closeby here and I'll get him to try out the saw..seriously, he'll try it out,for real! lol
"remember... not everything is good on TOAST!"
3 Birds of a Feather...
#1 the Silver '80 W-66 code Formula purchased 9 years ago
#2 red "80 W-66 code Formula purchased Mar./16
#3 black '78-9 coupe with spoiler kit and 4spd 305...parted out to a Terrific H-Buddy
2015 Cruze Turbo Diesel/ Just replaced by the 2016 Sonic
'98 GMC 1/2 ton with corporate 3/4 ton driveline still makin' it all possible
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Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby spencerforhire » Fri Apr 01, 2016 6:14 pm

I shared this with some friends that( like myself) spend way too much money and time at Princess Auto, which is the Canadian equivalent of Harbor Freight. I got lots of lols.
The "fleet"-
77 Vega Estate wagon- project(someday)will have TPI305/T-5, S-10 spindles/axles
72 Vega HB Drag Car -383/'Glide/9"(9.45@146.19)(6.01@117.28 1/8th)
76 Vega GT- 400/4spd/9" retired from active duty(rusty)
03 Silverado 2WD ex.cab (work truck/parts hauler)
04 Silverado 2WD ex.cab (retired)
06 Haulin' 20ft enclosed car transporter
93 Suburban- 350/4L60(retired)
00 Saturn SW2- wife's car
01 Saturn SC2- younger son's project
00 Saturn SL2- daughter's car
98 Saturn SW2- spare
and 3 more Saturn "parts cars"
Note- the very act of listing all of these has made me realize I have some kind of problem.....

Visit http://www.spencerforhire.ca
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Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby zeke » Tue Jun 14, 2016 10:47 am

A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing.”

The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his 2014 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.”

“Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bull-sh*ttin’ me!”

The social worker said, “Yeah, well.. You started it…”
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Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby EVL VEGA » Wed Jun 15, 2016 10:32 am

From the top Reddit jokes of the day:
______________________________________________________________________________________________
An alligator decided to have unprotected sex...


Now he has Gatorades.

______________________________________________________________________________________________


Women are like condoms...


They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

______________________________________________________________________________________________
EVL VEGA
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Re: newest bad jokes of the day. easily offended keep out !

Postby zeke » Sun Oct 30, 2016 4:19 pm

A woman goes to the gynecologist for an exam. She puts her feet into the stirrups and the doctor begins his exam.
After a moment, he says, "You have an unusually deep vagina."
The woman replies, "You don't have to say it twice."
The doctor says, "I didn't."
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