A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco

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A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco

Postby hammerdown7 » Sun Jan 31, 2016 8:22 pm

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my
loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the
check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her
that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I
added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way
that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it
again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was
now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant
and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask
retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy
things to say.
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco

Postby sirrick4 » Sun Jan 31, 2016 8:25 pm

Good one Dick. My wife hates taking me shopping because I sing songs and make up rude words for them. I get some funny looks.
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco

Postby cosvega76 » Mon Feb 01, 2016 10:29 am

I have something to look forward to in retirement! :th:

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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco

Postby monzabug350 » Thu Feb 04, 2016 6:36 pm

Had the same experience about 5 years ago....put a 30lb bag of dog food on the counter and the casher asked "Do you have a big dog?" I said "No, my mother-in law is coming over for dinner". She didn't think it was funny, but she didn't know my M/L.
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco

Postby spencerforhire » Thu Feb 04, 2016 9:07 pm

Blue Collar comedian Bill Engvall has a ton of these "snappy answers to stupid questions" that he calls There's Your Sign" moments.
The "fleet"-
77 Vega Estate wagon- project(someday)will have TPI305/T-5, S-10 spindles/axles
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and 3 more Saturn "parts cars"
Note- the very act of listing all of these has made me realize I have some kind of problem.....

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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco

Postby Sunula66 » Mon Feb 29, 2016 1:11 pm

Dick, that's hilarious!
I was equally vocal at a superstore once but a little different context....
.... ever been up here and gone to an IKEA store???!!!!!!
I'm not allowed to accompany my daughter any longer.....
I was at one of their maze stores and I was expressing how they had moved the exits and purposely confused people into staying longer and by some co-orsion caused people to wander aimlessly and somehow when famished after the first 1 hour ordeal, found themselves eating Sweedish meatballs to gain enough nutrients to perform the last leg of their " Tour of Duty".....it was harrowing...even more intense than a training excercise in the sand dunes of Ipperwash camp when I was in the Militia!!!! :shock:
I compared the whole experience to "rats in a maze" to one of their staff and did this rather vocally lol....my daughter was embarrassed and other's around me mostly the male patrons, roared with laughter!! Ever since, I don't go to their locations and happily don't get invited to shop along!! :th: ....I hates IKEA! :evil:

I'll never forget what the little older Gentleman remarked..."it's like waiting for my life"......too funny :lol:
"remember... not everything is good on TOAST!"
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco

Postby ColinOpseth » Mon Feb 29, 2016 6:25 pm

'72 Vega with '93 Camaro LT1/M29 T56/12 bolt 3.31. 16" IROCs all around. Sanderson headers into duals with an H-pipe and Flowmasters. It's loud but at least it's faster than your grandma's Buick. pwned.
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco

Postby hammerdown7 » Mon Feb 29, 2016 7:57 pm

Colin, Is that all you can say after 2+ years away? Unless I missed some.
Welcome back,
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