Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

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Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby rpoz-29 » Sun Jun 11, 2017 9:37 am

We've been through the wringer this year. We did sell the house, but only 3 days before it closed, my mom went to the ER with extreme pain in her left hip. It was March 28th. She had mersa, and was put on a heavy antibiotic. She was also on pain meds that had her talking out of her head a lot. After 19 days, she was sent to a nursing home for PT. All was well for about two weeks, then began to backslide, and was in a lot of pain. She was sent back to the ER on May 26th, where they discovered she also had a fractured hip. Because she also has congestive heart failure, fluid around her lungs, and due to the antibiotics, kidney issues, as well as her age, (85), she isn't a candidate for a hip replacement. We were advised to contact hospice. She went to another nursing home on June 6th. Her prognosis is to live out her life in bed on pain meds, or in bed in pain. We hope to get my dad into the same facility so he can see her for longer periods of time than he does now. The cost is overwhelming, and we'll have to sell my dad's house once he's admitted. The Public Service Announcement? Keep yourself in shape, and do what your doctor tells you. She's had a lot of surgery on her knees through the years, (including three replacements), but never really followed her doctors advice. She gained too much weight and spent her days watching TV. They were in a house that was far too large for them to maintain, but didn't want to try a retirement home. That didn't help their health issue either.
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby 1oldmf » Sun Jun 11, 2017 10:36 am

Sorry to hear your story.

sadly, been there, done that, watched Mom ,and Dad both slide into darkness.

no words will help, but just know I feel your pain and anguish,

just hug em and tell em you love em, 'WHILE YOU CAN"
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby cjbiagi » Sun Jun 11, 2017 12:04 pm

Sorry to hear about your parents issues. I went through this awhile back, it is never easy. All you can do is the best you can and be patient with whatever comes up.
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby hammerdown7 » Sun Jun 11, 2017 1:46 pm

Bill, prayers being said for you and your family. Give them all the hugs and love you can.

Dick
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby Monza Harry » Sun Jun 11, 2017 2:12 pm

I will add my condolences for you predicament as well! I would like to add to your "PSA". My brothers and I were constantly on my Dad to thin out the projects so we could help him get a couple finished, but he would have none of it, he thought he would live forever in good health [And was still at a way more than average activity level for people 10 maybe 20 years younger than himself until the stroke, (78yrs.) then he sat in the wheel chair very unhappy and unable to do much until the end came! (another 3) :( ]. So I will add that we should try and keep our homes and hobbies moving forward as fast as practically possible, as for as hard as it was to watch him slide away, the mess left behind with my mess to keep moving [and my brothers with their own as well], this is an unrelenting disaster now, and as Mom is starting to really feel/show her age as well. This has led to a lot of resentment and stress as all four [me, two brothers and Mom] of us can rarely co-ordinate time together to manage all that is left to accomplish at the same time, and then the resentment starts as each see's it as they are doing more than the others. Mom doesn't want to move into an apartment/condo and instead is in a 5 bedroom house full, of work and memories, by herself. Looks like many of us really know your pain! Hang in there best you can and make as many good memories as you can while you can, it is tough and we are there with you in spirit anyways. I guess this will only be of help to those much younger than myself, with still healthy and young[ish] parents, I wish we had had the fight that was needed years ago so this would be a better time spent making happy memories instead of cleaning up the mess. Harry
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby rpoz-29 » Sun Jun 11, 2017 8:41 pm

Thanks guys. Harry, your PSA is so close to home. We tried to convince them to move into a retirement facility years ago, but they wouldn't do it. Now we're all paying the price. As for your dad, I'm 61, but have become very honest with myself regarding projects. If I don't think I'll finish it, I'm cutting it loose. Live and learn.
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby bugdewde » Tue Jun 13, 2017 10:05 am

Currently, I spend weekend nights watching mom and work during the week. Brother and sister-in-law split watching her during the week (retired). I feel your pain, as well.
Watching my Mom languish in her home while dealing with chest cancer at 89 years old sucks. She had some of her lungs removed 4 years ago due to lung cancer. She isn't doing treatments, lost her eyesight to macular degeneration, and isn't very mobile anymore. One year ago, she was driving, could ride my motorcycle and run faster than most kids in the neighborhood at 87-88.
I'm glad she is ready to go and not drawing out her reduced quality of life with sickening treatments. However, I will not do well when she is gone. I'm a momma's boy.

This post has struck a cord with me. We will have to deal with the 60 years of accumulation (not just mom and dad's stuff, but a lot of my brother's stuff). Dad passed in 2001. My brother and I will be tasked with dealing with all the stuff in her house.

I recently purchased a second house... with intentions of fixing up/selling my first house (which is filled with 15 years of collecting Vega parts and other automotive hobbies). I have 10 cars (2 Vega projects and a few others needing some "repairs").... that are just sitting idle. Not to mention the boat, trailers, motorcycles and furniture.
At 51 years of age, I'm realizing I'm overwhelmed ..... and need to "finish" some stuff before I get anymore "stuff" to add to the list. I don't like to "tinker" with much stuff anymore. So it sits on the back burner.
Tomorrow is not promised..... and we aren't getting any younger. Projects keep piling up. Man, this strikes a cord.
My condolences.
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby cjbiagi » Tue Jun 13, 2017 8:16 pm

While time may be tight, sometimes having a project car can be a sense of relief and a escape from the real world. It may be hard to find the time but it can help you feel some sense of satisfaction as you head out to the garage. Even if it's small advances it can give you a good sense of accomplishment.
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby rpoz-29 » Wed Jun 14, 2017 7:52 am

Sorry to hear about your mom, Dwight.
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby Kev442 » Tue Jun 27, 2017 6:33 pm

My grandfather had macular degeneration and ended up on a feeding tube the last year and a half of his life. There is absolutely no incentive for an assisted living place to get anyone better, it is the opposite. They charged 11k per month, wiped out his lifes savings in 15 months. I am sorry anyone has to go through this, you feel so helpless.
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby rpoz-29 » Tue Jun 27, 2017 7:20 pm

Ironically enough, I just spent much of the day dealing with this. At the moment, my mom is paying 337.00 daily. IF my dad decides to have her become a "resident", it will drop to 307.00, and they will reimburse the difference he's spent so far,($840.00), with her in respite care. They also have long term insurance which will kick in shortly dropping it 100.00 daily. For those keeping score, even at that, it's 75,555.00 yearly. My college educated sister will ask a handful of questions, then get me involved when she can't explain WTH they're talking about. That's why I had to spent much of the day waiting for the lady my sister spoke with to see me. We had it cleared up in less than 15 minutes, but God knows this is getting tough.
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby bugdewde » Thu Jun 29, 2017 8:10 am

Mom is in her home in a hospital bed. Hospice comes a couple times a week to adjust or modify meds. She did not want to go to a home where they would draw out her low-quality existence solely for sucking her meager savings dry. I respect that and i am surprisingly dealing much better than I imagined. I know she is doing what she wants and that makes it easier for me to deal with. ... . hard to watch it progress. Amazing how conditions worsen in 1 week's time.

As a distraction, I'm working on my old boat, as time allows (not much). Cleaned it up and now working on hydraulic tilt/trim (electrics).
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby rpoz-29 » Sat Jul 01, 2017 8:35 am

Sorry about your mother, Dwight. It's the toughest thing I've ever done, so I understand. My mom is a little better physically, but I'm afraid her mind is going. My fear is that she'll become healthy enough to get up, and she'll fall. The facility she's in doesn't restrain the patients, so they've placed mats on either side of her bed. The strain of taking my dad to see her every day is starting to take it's toll on my brother and I. I try to go see her by myself every couple of days to visit with her alone, (as advised by the hospice folks), so some days I make the trip over and back twice. Our sister comes down for a couple of days each week which helps. Not that we don't want to, but this has been going on since March 28th, and we're getting worn out. The traffic in Richmond in the evenings when we go get him is awful. And as a side note, my wife and I just bought another house about five miles from here. Five acres, a pond, a huge heated detached garage, with 100 amp service, a high enough ceiling that a lift can be installed, and it's heated, a two car attached garage, sheds everywhere, a built in pool, whole house generator, and plenty of room for the grandsons. Getting the current home on the market, etc, etc, will be a challenge. I'm looking forward to all of this being behind me.
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby rpoz-29 » Sat Jul 01, 2017 8:57 am

Oddly enough, I was just scrolling through some old posts and I found one I posted on 12-7-15. I was considering buying the house we're in, and mentioned that I needed to stay close by because of my folks. Their reluctance to look into retirement homes, and the fact that they were in a big two story dictated we stay close by. If only they had listened.
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Re: Aging parents. Another public service announcement.

Postby rpoz-29 » Sat Jul 08, 2017 8:42 am

Yesterday around 5PM, with my sister, brother, father, and myself at her bedside, my mom "went home". It's been tough, and although I thought I was mentally ready for this, it hurts. Despite my complaining about it, I'm glad we stayed close by and could help as much as we did.
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